Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Book Bonds

Books can create powerful bonds between your head, heart, and soul. While reading Ask Me About My Divorce I almost felt like I had found some new friends. The book is a collection of essays from woman of all walks of life that share their individual divorce stories, and no matter how different theirs was from mine, I learned something from each. Their stories reached out and comforted me on some level that I needed at those moments. Below are a few paragraphs from the Introduction done by Candace Walsh - she puts it better than I could and the words make my heart ache with understanding.

"When I first started thinking about ending my marriage, I was terrified. Divorce was up there with death and taxes, right? It was a big baddie. I felt sadness at the loss of something to which my spouse and I had both pledged our everlasting commitment, and I also felt fear and foreboding about being in the "divorced" category.
What's behind the divorce is really what people should think of in terms of what they have to grieve. Let's say that it wasn't what you thought it would be. Big time. You changed, your partner changed, or you stopped growing. Or you found yourself in a legal union with someone who defiled it by infidelity, verbal or physical or mental abuse, or just plain stubbornness and selfishness. Or you just stopped loving the person, the person stopped loving you, or you realized that what you thought you wanted was not actually what will sustain you for the rest of your life. "This isn't what I signed on for."
You started hearing that little voice. "This isn't the right thing for me. I am not living my truth. I should really get out of here." And then you did the seventeen things we all do to not hear that voice of inner truth, because it would mean a great big change and many little ones."

The words she speaks are so touching and true. I enjoyed the book because it reminded me that I was not alone in all of this. I am not the first woman to get divorced and will not be the last. All those woman survived their situations and so will I. Life throws curve balls and it did for me. At times I felt like I was riding in a train car heading down a track that I wasn't sure how I got on. Making the choice to get off and perhaps jump train tracks of life, reminds me of another book I read earlier this year called It's A Breakup Not a Breakdown. Here is a little section from the book that made me feel more upbeat up about my new track.

"....just as engagements and weddings and babies count as life-altering events, so too does walking away from the wrong relationship and moving on to a life better suited for you. In choosing you - amazing you - over a relationship that wasn't working and a breakup that needed to be broken up with, you've proven just how incredibly brave and bold you are. And I think that's definitely something worth celebrating."
Choosing me - amazing me?!?!
"....Yes, change is hard. But so is holding onto a life that no longer works for you."

As I said, books have been very powerful for me lately. So, please let me know if you have any book suggestions about Divorce, relationships, or personal journeys that you think would be interesting. Appreciate it.


  1. I read a book called "Still Life with Chickens" by somebody with the last name Goldhammer (I'm sorry can't remember her first name, I can look if you like)

    Anyway, it's about divorse and moving to start a new life by the sea. I really enjoyed it and could relate to the character even through I'm not divorced. I bet you'd like it. It's written very well.

  2. Maybe you've read it, but I think you'd enjoy Eat, Pray, Love if you haven't. Great book about one woman's journey (including divorce).

    (See you Thursday) :)