Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Getting In My Own Way

Can you be about to have it all and then self-sabotage?  I was reading an article that talked about how we can be succeeding in some area in life and subconsciously throw it all away.  The article is called Overcome Your Upper-Limits and it is about how "Each one of us carries ingrained, unconscious ideas of just how happy and successful we can be." It also states, "Our Upper-Limit thermostat setting holds us back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance and creativity that's rightfully ours."  Have you ever really thought about this?  I mean really thought about it?

This article has stuck with me lately.  Sometimes I am so afraid of failing at things that I can become immobilized at times.  For example, my weight is a area that I have set backs.  In the past, I have lost weight and felt great but then the attention and pressure I start to feel actually had a negative effect on me somehow.  I would start to eat and behave in ways that knowingly went against all my hard work.  I would start to gain some of the weight back even though I knew I was making the bad choices, it was like I wasn't even in control anymore

Then I would feel bad that I knew I was making the bad choices and my clothes felt more tight.  Suddenly the negative voice in my head would say things like What are you doing you stupid girl?  You know you are gonna gain weight.  Oh smart!  Way to ruin everything.  Fatty!  Well, of course hearing that voice and knowing I had let myself down made me feel even worse and so the downward spiral was set in motion.  It is not fun to shed light on the negative self-talk I deal with every now and again, especially with body image but it is the truth.  So, somehow I have an upper-limit in regards to the way I value my appearance and happiness. 

I have battled some negative voices in my head before with weight issues and in other areas of my life too.  This article made me also think about that voice and how loud it can speak up.  I mean, at what point does this voice step up to the microphone and just lash out?  Lash out at us....of all people!  It is amazing how much power that voice, and out thoughts in general, can really have on us.

I started thinking about all of my relationships with men, family, and friends too.  Things seem to be going good and I am content and happy but suddenly I am picking a fight or being needy or being over sensitive.  I will start to over think a situation or start an agrument flat out.  Next think I know, I am deep in the moment and find myself thinking How did that just happen?  It is not really what I want to happen or how I might be really feeling even.  Yet, I don't back down or at least right away maybe.  Is this the barrier that is part of the upper-limit where I don't think I deserve to have love or happiness or something?  Self-sabotage?

There is mention about having these blocks that can cause impact on your career potential too.  At times you may think you don't deserve to make a lot of money or have a promotion or some particular career success.  That may sound silly at first glance but it is a subconscious thing.  Maybe you heard comments growing up about people who had too much money and it is a negative thing for you.  It is a barrier that can stop you from having what you want.  The fear to succeed or outshine others and be our best selves can hold us back on many different levels.

I know I am guilty of having held myself back at times because I am afraid.  I tend to become afraid to fail at something or worse yet, to succeed at it.  It is all messed up sounding.  However, playing it safe so I don't fail is not a healthy place and not how I really want to live.  It is hard to admit all of this about myself but it is the tough truth. 

Have you now thought about your upper-limits?  Do you have these moments?  Have you overcome the voices and some of your own personal self-sabotage?  I know I am ready to take charge of some of this by being aware.  I am going to work on being conscience of my mental roadblocks.  I don't want to be small in my own world.  I really don't.  So, I am going to see beyond the limits and get out of my own way.  Stand up to the voice.  Stand up for me.

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