Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Full Focus

I haven't written in over a month - I know. I had been feeling so crazy lately and so many things going on but yet I just couldn't get anything out when I would sit down to blog. Not sure why exactly, maybe just a little overwhelmed with another holiday season and turning 32 (which is another blog in itself). With all that has happened in the last month revolving around feeling overwhelmed, it made it difficult for me to focus.

That word Focus is powerful. Well, I would say powerful and frustrating at the same time. Confession:
I have been having a love hate relationship .......with a word!

Seriously though, I have been feeling empowered by the word focus because I say it when I need to remember the positives and overall goals for my life. Being divorced almost a year now, living back at home, missing my dog, and some old friends can all be overwhelming. Which is why the little word has become an affirmation. The strength of the word can remind me that I am on the right path; a path that will bring me to my new life goals, visions, and dreams.

As I also stated, the word focus can be very frustrating. At times it seems that the word taunts me like a bully on a playground. When things seem overwhelming and I tell myself to focus, I hear this annoying voice say "you better get things figured out or else!"
I mean, it is supposed to represent strength and to be a positive mantra for me but when that voice comes out, I want to run and tattle that focus has been hurting my feelings.

Of course I realize that this battle is all within me and my crazy 'lil head. I just find it interesting how, depending on my mental state, one little word can have such a powerful response from within.

I have to giggle with some level of compassion at the bully that comes out though because the bully is just really scared. Scared that if things don't go "right" all might seem lost. It sheds light into some of the fears I have of the unknown and uncertainty that I am going through now and will down the road.

That is why I am so thankful to my terrific friends who know how to get me off the taunting playground and back on my path with confidence. When they tell me to focus it sounds solid. My friends are like the those sturdy rail guards and curve ahead signs that guide me along my journey.

Again, with my journey chatter but it is what it is. Life is a journey and I am constantly reminding myself to keep my review mirror in a safe position but eyes on the road. Mostly though, loving the company I have along for the ride.

Faith Openess Compassion Understanding Support

1 comment:

  1. I like how you said you've been having a love/hate relationship with the word. I can relate. I've been reading more than I've been blogging lately.. loving words but hating to think to write my own.