Recently I was not feeling in the mood to write much - so I didn't.
Has anyone ever just really felt that life was happening and as much as you wanted to share about it; you just couldn't? You literally were in the heart of the storm and you were not able to see it with a clear eye and to write about it without losing your mind?
I will say that I went through some heartache as of late and it is hard to even breathe when you are in the middle of it and you feel as though nobody understands. It is hard to talk about it some days without the ache in your chest making its way up to your throat and lodging there into a lump. So, you wake up everyday with a new attitude and try to be happy and be the best you can but the ache is there; it is there gnawing at you. Then you walk around and you wonder if the ache is visible to others and you are not sure so you act a little guarded maybe....?
What I realized with my recent heartache is that it was one of the first times that I think I showed some real vulnerability. It was something that I don't think people were really used to seeing from me in some aspects. When I was having issues in my marriage, and going through the divorce, I held it together pretty well for so long and people were shocked by the ending of that relationship. They never saw me really hurting through that time in my life when I was struggling in the marriage that is. However, with my recent breakup, I showed my vulnerability more and shared with friends more - leaned on them more.
It was a bit of new thing for me actually to be in a place of really needing advice and friendly ears. I was so lost and hurt and was not always able to hide it like I had in the past. By no means do I think it should be a bad thing, but I feel that since it was a bit out of character for me that it made people a little confused and not sure how to help.
Through the past few months I gained a whole new understanding for situations that people go through or have in their lives that I had not experienced. I am still in a sort of recovery mode. I have had some great support and am learning how to be strong and weak at the same time.
The down times in life are where you learn the most about yourself and the most about those in your life..... Who you are and who you want around you.
Thank you to the special people that have allowed me to go through this experience and who were beyond supportive. You are my angels.